to raise an independent child

travelin' oma assignment number twelve

i think i've mentioned this before, but i cannot thank my parents enough for raising me to be an independent and self-sufficient adult. i've tried to come up with some specific things that they did to foster independence. they didn't coddle us, they provided opportunities for us to take on responsibilities (even if it wasn't convenient for them) and trusted in our abilities. but most of all, they talked to us. when they were doing things, they would talk about why they were doing it the way they were doing it. and at a young age, too. they created teaching opportunities whenever possible.

all of that is a preface to my assignment for today: make a list of ten things that kids need to learn to become self-sufficient. and so, without further ado...

1. money management - teach your children how to handle money. how to live within their means. how to save, how to spend wisely, how to be generous. teach them how to open a bank account and keep the bank account balanced. teach them to use a credit card.

2. food prep - teach your children to prepare their own food. they should be able to plan healthy meals, shop for the ingredients, and follow a recipe. you'd be amazed at how many college roommates i had who had little to no idea of how to do anything other than microwave prepared foods. i also think that having a garden is a great addition to this skill set, but that's another post for another day.

3. cleaning/home maintenance -teach your children how to clean. i mean really clean. not just run a vacuum and do the dishes, but scrub out the details and make a room sparkle. i remember my dad teaching me the wonders that you can work with a toothbrush in your cleaning arsenal. teach your children how to do things like plunge a toilet, change a light bulb, and turn off the main water valve. teach your children how to do laundry. how to separate out colors from whites, get out stains, fold and put away clothes.

4. spiritual self-reliance - teach your children how to pray and receive personal revelation. they need to have their own relationship with god, you cannot always be the liaison. this is a huge one and involves a lifetime of your example, providing opportunities for them to have their own spiritual experiences, and explicit teaching about the mechanics of the spirit.

5. eating out - teach your children how to eat out at any level of restaurant. i remember going to restaurants with my dad and having him teach us how to order on a date (pay attention to the hints your date gives you), how to calculate a tip, and general restaurant etiquette. i am very comfortable eating out in any situation, thanks to my dad.

6. cultural events - please teach your children how to behave at cultural events. proper attire, arriving on time, and all other etiquette that goes along with individual types of events. these can be complicated and are best taught with experience (you don't clap between movements or after classical solos in an orchestral setting, but you do clap after jazz solos, even if it is in the middle of the piece). social blunders can be embarrassing for you and your kids and these are big ones to discuss before the event (not during!).

7. social etiquette - teach your children how to make introductions. how to answer a telephone, leave a message, and make an appointment (oh, how my siblings hated my parents for making them set their own appointments). teach them how to look someone in the eye and converse comfortably with people of all age groups.

8. work ethic - this is a very general one that applies to many of the other topics, but i think it is the most important. if your children know how to work hard, they will be able to survive in many tough situations. if they have confidence in their own abilities to work and learn, they will not fear new responsibilities or hard things. make your children do manual labor.

9. car maintenance - teach your children how to take care of a car. how often a car needs an oil change (whether or not you want to teach them to change it themselves is up to you). how to change a tire. how to replace a headlight bulb. things that will save them money in the long run.

10. time management - teach your children to manage their schedules. teach them to use a planner. how to schedule appointments. how to prioritize. to allot an appropriate amount of time for different events.

these are the ten that i came up with off the top of my head. i am sure there are many more, but these are some of the big ones.