growing pains

when randy was looking into housing before we moved here, one of the things that he loved about this particular house was that it was on a cul-de-sac with several other families with small children. the family across the way from us have two boys that are almost exactly our girls' ages, two doors down from us is another four year old girl, and our next door neighbors have an eight year old girl and a five year old boy. as long as the weather is decent, the kids and at least one of their parents almost always come out in the evening and play in the cul-de-sac. soccer and bikes are the main modes of play. pretty awesome, right?

except for one thing. it has pushed us into a new stage of socializing.

until now, i have completely dictated the terms of my children's social lives. if they played with other kids, it was because i arranged the play date. i have always been really close friends with the other children's mom (our kids are friends because of our relationship), and the mom is always present, unless i am babysitting the child. madeleine has only ever had one close friend (from church) that i didn't know from birth, and even though madeleine idolized this girl (both madeleine and diane still refer to her as an imaginary friend in their play), i was too lazy to arrange any kind of play date outside of church for her.

all of you seasoned mothers can roll your eyes at me, but this has been the stage that we've been in and it's what i'm used to. but now, madeleine has been exposed to the world of neighborhood friendship and she can't get enough of it. as soon as she sees any of the neighborhood kids come out (one drawback of having a wall of windows on the front of the house), she instantly begs to go outside and play, too. at first, she started just running out there without telling me, but i quickly threatened her with all sorts of punishment if she started leaving the house without asking first. even when she can't see the other kids, she frequently begs to go play with them and wants me to call them. i tried explaining that i don't have their phone numbers, so her pleas now center around me obtaining their phone numbers.

the thing is, i'm not opposed to her playing with the neighborhood kids. they're nice children, and i like the parents too. we got really lucky there. i played with the neighborhood kids growing up and loved it. i think that the reason i'm having a hard time is that it pushes me outside of my comfort zone. making friends has come naturally to madeleine, but i still feel awkward. will the other parents be bugged that we are coming out and intruding on their play time? are we overeager? should i ask for their phone number or is that stepping over my boundaries? it feels like the awful world of dating all over again.

and how do we start to handle play time that isn't just out in the cul-de-sac (rain, anyone?)? this is the biggest thing for me. up until now, i have had almost complete control of what my children are exposed to, including choosing their friends for them. i've had them under my protective wing and i determine what they watch and eat and can discipline them as soon as they engage in behavior that i disapprove of. as soon as they go over to a friend's house, that stops. right now, one of us is always out with the girls while they're playing with the neighborhood kids and i still don't always like madeleine's behavior after we come back inside. she's a little more disobedient that usual and takes time to wind down. not even because the other kids are rude or anything, it's just a consequence of her playing with the other kids.

i never thought that this would be that big of a deal. i feel like i am a fairly laid back parent, but i'm not ready for this. we're negotiating new terrain and it's scarier for me than i thought. this mama hen is trying to keep everyone under her wing for as long as she can, but the chicks are starting to dart out.

time to start teaching them about foxes and let them strut their stuff in the pen a little more. they don't stay little for long, do they?