on my own

remember these? i haven't done much writing lately and am feeling pretty rusty. i thought this was a good way to get warmed up.

travelin' oma assignment number eighteen

the summer between my junior and senior years of college, i had about six weeks where i lived alone in an apartment just south of campus. i didn't have much of a social life at the time and aside from seeing people in class, i spent a lot of time alone.

but i wasn't lonely.

yes, there were times that the evening hours would roll in and i would realize that i had not spoken a word out loud for the entire day. and there were times that i would call my mom, just because i needed some kind of human interaction. but for the most part, i was content to be alone with my own thoughts. don't get me wrong, i like to be around other people, but i've also always been comfortable being alone.

and never more so than now. there's something about being a mother. i am rarely alone. even now, as i write this post, my children are sleeping in the next room and i do not feel alone. and in the rare times that i am alone, i usually have such a long list of things that i need to do that the time flies by and while i may feel productive, i usually do not feel rested at the end of my aloneness.

and so, if i lived alone for several weeks on end, with no responsibilities, i would rest. i would sleep more, read more, think more, and create more. but as glorious as that sounds, it would be much harder for me to be alone for several weeks now than it was when i was single in college. because now, the novelty of uninterrupted sleeping, reading, thinking, and creating would quickly be replaced with an overwhelming aching for randy and my girls.

but not for a few days. and those few days sure would be nice.



postscript: in writing this post, i just now realized that my willingness, and even desire to sometimes be alone is probably a result of the fact that i feel loved and know that there are people in close physical proximity that i can immediately turn to for company and affection if i did feel lonely. that must be what makes the difference between being alone and being lonely.